When we feel that we belong to the groups that we are a part of, we tend to be more proactive towards the goals of that group, we collaborate more and we have more tolerance when it comes to situations which we don’t like or don’t agree with. This, translated into parenting language means that the more our children feel capable, count and loved at our homes, the better they will behave, the more they will collaborate and the less they will complain and resist our limits. How do we help them feel capable, count and loved?
Capable: invite them to help you around the house (cooking/baking with you, working on the weekly menu with you, doing laundry with you, grocery shopping with you, cleaning with you, fixing something with you, planning the weekend with you), ask for their help to do something that you can’t do by yourself, give them responsibilities that match their age (things that they’ll be proud of doing), trust them and give them age appropriate independence.
Count: consider their input when making decisions that affect the whole family or themselves (when appropriate and possible)
Loved: respect your children, show them your affection, play with them, talk with them, “hang out” with them, listen to them, set them boundaries.
This should be a good starting point. Working on these items should help your children feel good, want to collaborate more and resist less. Give it a shot.